The Object of my Obsession

Have you ever been obsessed with something that you knew was no good for you? It consumed most of your thoughts. You wanted it from the deepest parts of yourself. You couldn't rationalize your desire or talk yourself out of it. You felt weak because you didn't have control over your desires. You beat yourself up for not being stronger. Yeah, me either.

Let's dig deep down underneath this to unlock the grip. You know the grip right? That visceral feeling of longing, like a moth to a flame, so compelling and unhealthy and so satisfying. This sounds a lot like addiction. When your obsession is an unhealthy vehicle for attaining what you want, it is exactly the same as an addiction. So how do we crack the code, break the cycle, free ourselves from the grip?

There are many ways to do this but I'll give you a simple 3 step resource.

1. First of all, we need to recognize the internal conflict. The body gives you cues. Trapped energy shows up in the body. Do you have a constricted feeling in your throat? Do you feel like someone punched you in the gut? Do you feel sick to your stomach? Is your breathing short and shallow? Do you feel hot or itchy? These feelings are your body communicating with you, giving you a message. Listen. Recognize these signs for what they are.

2. And then we need to ask ourselves, "What am I afraid of losing if I release this, if I focus on something else?" In other words, uncover the belief that you have about maintaining control. If your vehicle is food, is your belief that you will lose control of yourself and make bad choices if you don't hold tight to your illusion of control? Is your fear that you'll let yourself go? 

If your vehicle is sex/relationships to get that high/validation/worth/power, is your belief that if you let go of your focus, the other person will lose interest? Is your fear that you will be alone and unwanted?

We hold on tight because we're afraid of losing something. If we understand what we're afraid of, we can release the grip a bit. Make sense?

3. Give yourself permission to feel human. Somehow, we think it's reasonable to expect that we will always feel strong and whole and vibrant and worthy and when we don't feel those feelings, we beat ourselves up. I forget this truth EVERY SINGLE TIME. I also forget that after I feel crappy, I usually have lots of clarity and revelations. This is simply the human experience, the growth process. 

Allow yourself to feel. Say, "I consent" to yourself. Unbelievably empowering! Also, remember that this isn't a one off tool. Practice this again and again and eventually you'll see that you've shifted the dynamic. Look back to see what you used to be obsessed with and how that has no grip on you anymore. See?

Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear from you.

Heidi